What I have seen over and over and experienced myself is that at that moment when you feel completely broken, shattered, and undone, you can experience the beauty of acceptance. That moment when you stop fighting to bring back the past, you can accept the moment you are in and begin to have hope for the future.
Three things that may help with the process:
1. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Stop fighting the feelings of fear, betrayal, hatred and humiliation. Accept that all these feelings are normal and par for the course as a human being. Uncomfortable, exhausting and frustrating, and yes, human. Don’t beat yourself up for being human.
2. Give up your need to blame. Even if it is someone else’s fault. Even if you were “wronged”. Even if you are totally innocent in the situation. Blaming keeps you stuck. Blaming is not a solution. Blaming is a mind activity that keeps you from your feelings of humiliation, sadness, grief. Blaming keeps you focused on that other person. It is not a comfortable connection, but it is, as I learned from the wonderful mediator and trainer Kenneth Cloke, still a connection. It is true what they say, that sometimes we would rather be miserable with someone than happy alone. Blame is a placeholder for the person or situation you no longer have but are having trouble giving up.
3. Calculate your options. I cannot stress this enough. When we are under extreme stress, depressed*, or have gone through a trauma, there can be moments and even days when we can feel like there are no options. THERE ARE OPTIONS. Just because you cannot see options, they are still there. You can talk to a friend, clergy, a counselor, and certainly you can speak to Phillip and I. We can help you if you are stuck and feel option-less in your situation. Remember. You have options. If you cannot see them, let someone help you see them.
We can help you see the beauty in brokenness. Give us a call.
*The word “depressed” is often used when someone feels down or sad for a few of days or those feelings are attached to a specific incident. This is how I used the term above.
However, if you have the following symptoms as stated by Mayo Clinic you may be experiencing Clinical Depression and should get support and professional assistance. It is VERY treatable and VERY common in our society.
Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities
Significant weight loss or gain
Sleeping too much or not being able to sleep nearly every day
Slowed thinking or movement that others can see
Fatigue or low energy nearly every day
Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
Loss of concentration or indecisiveness